lesson of the year...

حصل خير الكلمة دي بقولها وانا فعلا حاسة بيها
حصل خير والصفحة هاقفلها
مش هارجع ابص فيها


في ناس الكدب جواها
اكتر من الطيبة
وناس ضمايرها سايباها مابيعرفوش عيبة


وناس بتحب وتسلم وتتعذب كتير
واهو الغلطان بيتعلم من الجرح الاخيررررررر


بقيت اخاف من نفسي من بكرا ومن الايام
اللي جاية
بقيت اخاف من الماضي من الذكرى وكلام الناس عليا


بقيت مش عايزة تاني اضعف
انا لازم اتغير
هاحاول ايوه انا وهاعرف العمر ده قصير


انا اللي تملي بستعجل على الحب الكبير
واهو الغلطان بيتعلم من
الجرح الاخير

Life after 4 Tech...

....is probably worse than before 4 Tech... well, DUH!

Actually, there are times when I think it's fun.. the adrenaline rush is amazing and at times it's very exciting... but there are times when I think that my stress levels were already bad enough so this isn't really clever!

Anyway... hope it gets better!

Confusion begins.. Now!

OK, now what?

Why does my head feel so messy? Why does it feel like I'm in a very old dusty library trying to find a book and there is no system in place to even tell me where to start?

The worst thing about life is that it becomes so complicated that it no longer makes sense...

I guess it's time to wait and see what happens next...

ok... so?

Why am I concerned? Why can't I do what my friend told me and stop trying to put a label on this? Why can't I just enjoy the rare good times and stop thinking "what's next?"

I feel drained... I can't find the energy or the will sometimes to continue.. Recently he's been helping a lot... He always makes me feel ready for the challenge, that I can do this.. so why am I looking out for something even I don't know..

I am tired and really looking forward to a week off.. Just doing nothing but chilling and relaxing..

I need a break!

The road to nowhere

I'm not sure how I feel about this new program. It hasn't sunk in that it's actually going to air soon... But the issue is.. Something else is distracting me.

I'm not one of those who dream of being on tv. I love being behind the camera working my magic.. I'm still trying but I guess I'm not as bothered as those who are dying to be on tv.

Well... I love the support my friends are giving me.. And one day - which doesn't seem to be taking place - I will find that kind, considerate, loving person who isn't selfish - yes they no longer exist - one day.. Told u it will not happen!

Memories...

A day full of memories.. School, Queensway, Porchester... Even the songs...

It reminded me if the best friend I ever had... The one I lost without even getting a chance to say goodbye...

Feeling depressed.. Numb.. Can't breath..

May Allah rest his soul

تقرير الامم المتحدة في وقعة قافلة الحرية يدين اسرائيل

The most important part - THEY ARE GUILTY - END OF STORY!

The fact-finding mission concluded that a series of violations of international law,
including international humanitarian and human rights law, were committed by the Israeli forces during the interception of the flotilla and during the detention of passengers in Israel prior to deportation.


DOWNLOAD THE REPORT NOW:

http://rapidshare.com/files/420663671/A_HRC_15_21_en.pdf
or
http://www.megaupload.com/?d=HW9CXIQX
or
http://www2.ohchr.org/english/bodies/hrcouncil/15session/reports.htm - report number: A/HRC/15/21


Summary

This report was prepared by the fact-finding mission established by the Human
Rights Council in resolution A/HRC/RES/14/1 of 2 June 2010 to investigate violations of international law, including international humanitarian law and human rights law, resulting from the interception by Israeli forces of the humanitarian aid flotilla bound for Gaza on 31 May 2010 during which nine people were killed and many others injured.

The report sets out background information relating to the interception of the flotilla as well as the applicable international law.

The fact-finding mission conducted interviews with more than 100 witnesses in
Geneva, London, Istanbul and Amman. On the basis of this testimony and other
information received, the Mission was able to reconstruct a picture of the circumstances surrounding the interception on 31 May 2010 and its aftermath. The report presents a factual description of the events leading up to the interception, the interception of each of the six ships in the flotilla as well as a seventh ship subsequently intercepted on 6 June 2010, the deaths of nine passengers and wounding of many others and the detention of passengers in Israel and their deportation.

The report contains a legal analysis of facts as determined by the Mission with a
view to determining whether violations of international law, including international
humanitarian and human rights law, took place.

The fact-finding mission concluded that a series of violations of international law,
including international humanitarian and human rights law, were committed by the Israeli forces during the interception of the flotilla and during the detention of passengers in Israel prior to deportation.

هام - تفاصيل جديدة عن اعتقال طل الملوحي والتحقيق معها أمنيا من قبل

نقلا عن الاعلامي ثائر الناشف / قبل قدومها لمصر كانت طل قد تعرضت لعدد من الاستدعاءات الأمنية ، وذلك على خلفية ما كتبته سابقا قبل حوالي 5 سنوات في موقع النادي السوري ، وهو منتدى مف...توح لكل الشباب السوري ، وقد كتبت حينها مناشدة علنية لبشار لكي يسرع في إجراء الاصلاحات في البلاد ، وكان عمرها أنذاك 15 سنة فقط ، وعلى إثر تلك المناشدة بدأت الاستدعاءات المتلاحقة الى فروع الأمن السياسي وأمن الدولة في حمص ، وكان المسؤول عن التحقيق معها عقيد يدعى علاء ، وقد هددها هذا العقيد وشتمها بألفاظ مشينة مثل ( ...) وأجبرها على إمضاء تعهد خطي بعدم الكتابة والنشاط على النت ، فما كان منها إلا أن خرجت مع أهلها الى مصر ، عاصمة المقهورين في الأرض ، حاولت متابعة الدراسة في مصر ، لكنها لم تستطع ، لأن نظام التعليم الثانوي في مصر يحتم عليها إعادة دراسة الثانوية من الصف الأول الثانوي ، لكنها لم تفعل ، ما فعلته أنها صممت مدونتين إلكترونيتين ، وقامت بكتابة ما يجول في نفسها من شعر ونثر ومقالات ، دون أن تأتي فيها لذكر سوريا أو نظامها العتيد ، لكن المهم في قضيتها ، انها قررت العودة الى سوريا في شهر حزيران 2008 للتقدم لامتحانات الثانوية دراسة حرة ، ومن ثم العودة الى مصر ، وهو ما حصل فعلا ، لكن الكارثة ، انها خلال فترة الامتحانات تعرضت لثلاثة استدعاءات أمنية متتالية في أقل من شهر ( فاضيين الشبيحة وعم يكشوا دبان من قلة الشغل والاستدعاءات ) والأنكى من ذلك ، انها وخلال تقديمها الامتحان في أحد المراكز ، حضرت ومن دون سابق انذار ، رئيسة مركز الامتحانات ، وقامت بسحب اورواقها وبطاقتها الامتحانية من أمامها قبل انتهاء الوقت بكثير ، وقالت لها بعجرفة : هيا أخرجي انت محرومة من الامتحانات ( ذكرتني بعجرفة ببثينة شعبان ) دون تبيان الاسباب التي أدت الى منعها وحرمانها ، لكن من الواضح أنها تعلميات أجهزة الامن لمديرية الامتحان ، فعادت طل أدراجها الى مصر مكسورة الخاطر ، وهي ممتلئة باليأس والكآبة ، وفوق ذلك كانت تعاني من مرض في الغدة الدرقية .. خلال عام 2009 ، عامها الاخير في مصر ، كانت تحت أنظار ومتابعة السفارة السورية ، ربما لانها بدأت علاقتها معي ، وقامت السفارة بدس مراسلة التلفزيون السوري ، بحجة تقديم المساعدة لطل للعمل في مجال الصحافة ، لانها كانت في وضع مادي مزري ، وبحاجة الى عمل تسد فيه رمقها وأهلها ، لكن هدف السفارة أكن أخبث من المساعدة والعمل ، لانهم لم يساعدوها أصلا رغم أنهم قطعوا لها الوعود الخلابة ، بل كان هدف السفارة تخريب العلاقة بيننا ، وبنفس الوقت مراقبتها ومعرفة ما كانت تنوي علمه ، وعندما انفضح أمر المراسلة من قبلي ، قام الملحق الأمني في السفارة المقدم في فرع أمن الدولة الخارجي 253 سامر ربوع ، باستدعائها والتحقيق معها داخل السفارة ، في التحقيق سألها عني ، وما اذا كنت أنوي مساعدتها ، انذاك كانت السفارة في القاهرة والنظام في دمشق في حالة هستيريا ، لان قناة زنوبيا التي كنت أديرها من مصر ، كانت قد بدأت بثها من القاهرة على قمر النايل سات ، وللشهادة كنت قد عرضت على طل استضافتها في حوار تلفزيوني ، لكنها رفضت الظهور أو التصريح على اي وسيلة إعلام ، وهذه شهادة براءة تدين من اعتقلها ، ورسالة رفضها موجودة لدي أحتفظ بها ، ومن ثم طلبت مني طل تخفيف اللقاءات بيننا ، لاننا أصبحنا تحت أعين السفارة ، طبعا أنا لا أعير السفارة ولا العفاريت السود ، أي اهتمام .. ومن ثم عادت طل فجأة الى سورية ، ولم أكن أعلم بميعاد سفرها المفاجئ ، ربما ضغطت السفارة على والدها ، واعطته تطمينات بأن ابنته لن تتعرض
للاعتقال اذا ما عادت الى ارض الوطن المصون ..

الخلاصة : قصة طل بدأت عندما قامت بنشر مناشدة طالبت فيها بشار باصلاحات شاملة للبلد ..
ثمة تعليقات موقعة باسم طل على مواقع المعارضة السورية ، ولا ادري ما اذا كانت هي من كتبها أم ان أحد المندسين هو من قام بكتابتها ، حتى لو كانت هي من كتبتها ، متى كانت التعليقات تشكل خطرا على الامن القومي للدول ؟
لازلت أحتفظ بكل أشعارها ونثرها ، وسأقوم قريبا بطبعه في ديوان ، ونشره وتوزيعه في المكتبات .. وهذا أضعف الايمان .
ومصيرها الغامض يدفعني دفعا الى نسج رواية تلخص سيرتها في سنوات عذابها التسعة عشر ، فقد قالت لي ذات مرة ، انها خلقت لتحمل آلام البشر ، فقلت لها : أنت عذراء هذا الزمن الرديء ..
فردت قائلة : اني أرى سوريا في عينيك ..
تابع الجديد عن قضية طل عبر صفحة التضامن معها على الفايس بوك

وقفة احتجاجية للتضامن مع طل الملوح

تحديث : وقفة احتجاجية للتضامن مع طل الملوحي امام السفارة السورية بالقاهرة


قالت المنظمـة العربيـة لحقـوق الإنسـان في سوريا أن جهاز أمن الدولة استدعى بتاريخ 27/12/2009 الآنسة

طل بنت دوسر الملوحي لسؤالها عن مقال كانت كتبته ووزعته على الإنترنت ، وأضافت المنظمة في بيان ورد الى المرصد السوري "بعد أيام من استدعائها حضر إلى منزلها عدد من عناصر الجهاز المذكور وأخذوا جهاز الحاسوب الخاص بها وكل ما يتعلق بذلك ، ومنذ ذلك التاريخ وبعد مرور أكثر من شهرين لم تعد إلى بيتها وذويها ، على الرغم من مراجعة أهلها للجهاز المذكور عدة مرات دون جدوى" .

جدير بالذكر ان المدونة الشابة طل الملوحي من مواليد مدينة حمص عام 1991 أي لم تبلغ العشرين من عمرها وهي تحضر لتقديم فحوص الشهادة الثانوية وتعتبر من المتميزات في دراستها ومعلوماتها وشدة ذكائها وقد بدأت بكتابة الشعر والمقالات منذ عدة سنوات وجميع من اطلع على كتاباتها كان يتوقع بأنها تتعدى الأربعين عاما للأفكار والآراء التي كانت تطرحها وحكمة مناقشتها للكثير من الأمور العامة والجرأة التي تتحلى بها .

ورأت المنظمــة العربية لحقوق الانسان ضرورة الإفراج الفوري عن طل الملوحي وعودتها إلى منزلها وأهلها للاستمرار في استعدادها لتقديم فحوص الثانوية التي أضحت قريبة ( إن كانت بعد هذا الاعتقال لا تزال تتمتع بنفسية وصحة تؤهلها لذلك ) واعتبرت هذا الاعتقال غير مبرر لأي سبب كان .

المصدر:المرصد السوري

افرجوا عن طل الملوحي

Amnesty International- DEMAND RELEASE FOR SYRIAN BLOGGER Tal al-Mallohi

URGENT ACTION
DEMAND RELEASE FOR SYRIAN BLOGGER
Tal al-Mallohi, a 19-year-old Syrian woman, has been held incommunicado at a State Security branch in Damascus for nearly nine months. Amnesty International believes she may be a prisoner of conscience, detained solely for the peaceful exercise of her right to freedom of expression. She is at grave risk of torture and other ill-treatment.
Tal al-Mallohi, a resident of Homs, in central Syria, has not been seen since 27 December when she travelled to Damascus, the capital, to visit a State Security branch, after she had been summoned for questioning. State Security is one of several branches of the Syrian security forces, all of which regularly detain people on even the slightest suspicion of opposition to the government.
Two days later, officers from State Security visited Tal al-Mallohi’s family home and confiscated her computer, some CDs, notebooks and a mobile phone.
Officials at State Security have told Tal al-Mallohi’s family that they are holding her, but have not revealed the reasons for her arrest and refused to let them visit her. According to Tal al-Mallohi’s family, she has no political affiliations, but suspect that her detention may partly be related to poems and articles on various political and social issues that she has written and published in a blog (http://talmallohi.blogspot.com); some of the material contains references to restrictions on freedom of expression in Syria.
Ever since her arrest, Tal al-Mallohi’s family have regularly visited the State Security branch in Damascus to seek information about their relative and to try to see her. Initially officials invited them inside and provided limited details about the circumstances of her detention, but subsequently confined themselves to vague reassurances about her health at reception. The family also submitted three written visitation requests to State Security and in September posted on the internet two appeals to the Syrian President urging him to intervene for her release. As far as Amnesty International is aware no response has been made to any of these requests or appeals.
PLEASE WRITE IMMEDIATELY in Arabic, English, French or your own language:
n Expressing concern that Tal al-Mallohi may be a prisoner of conscience, detained solely for the peaceful exercise of her right to freedom of expression;
n Demanding that the authorities release her immediately and unconditionally if this is the case;
n Calling on the authorities to ensure that she is not exposed to torture or other ill-treatment, and reminding them that Syria is a state party to the UN Convention against Torture and Other Cruel, Inhuman or Degrading Treatment or Punishment;
n Urging the authorities to immediately allow her visits from her family, access to a lawyer of her choosing and any medical treatment she may require.

PLEASE SEND APPEALS BEFORE 29 OCTOBER 2010 TO:


President
Bashar al-Assad
Presidential Palace
al-Rashid Street
Damascus, Syrian Arab Republic
Fax: +963 11 332 3410
Salutation: Your Excellency


Minister of Interior
Major Sa’id Mohamed Samour
Ministry of Interior
‘Abd al-Rahman Shahbandar Street
Damascus, Syrian Arab Republic
Fax: +963 11 222 3428
Salutation: Your Excellency


And copies to:
Minister of Foreign Affairs
Walid al-Mu’allim
Ministry of Foreign Affairs
al-Rashid Street
Damascus, Syrian Arab Republic
Fax: +963 11 332 7620
Salutation: Your Excellency


Also send copies to diplomatic representatives of Syria accredited to your country. Please check with your section office if sending appeals after the above date.


URGENT ACTION
DEMAND RELEASE FOR SYRIAN BLOGGER
ADditional Information
Freedoms of expression and association are strictly controlled in Syria, aided by “state of emergency” laws which have been in force since 1964. Only the Ba’ath Party and some parties linked to it are officially recognized as political parties in Syria and human rights organizations are not authorized to operate. Human rights defenders, government critics and advocates of political reform face constant harassment, arbitrary arrest and detention.

In particular, a number of young people in Syria have been sentenced in recent years for their roles in publishing politically sensitive material on the internet. In September 2009, the Supreme State Security Court (SSSC) sentenced Kareem ‘Arabji, a blogger then aged 31, to three years in prison for moderating an internet youth forum. He was reported to have been tortured or otherwise ill-treated during prolonged pre-trial incommunicado detention. Kareem ‘Arabji was later released under a presidential amnesty.

In June 2007 seven men - ‘Allam Fakhour, Ayham Saqr, Diab Siriyeh, Hussam ‘Ali Mulhim, Maher Isber Ibrahim, ‘Omar ‘Ali al-‘Abdullah and Tareq al-Ghorani – were sentenced by the SSSC to lengthy prison sentences for their involvement in developing an on-line youth discussion group and publishing articles on the internet advocating democratic reform. They were reported to have been tortured or otherwise ill-treated during prolonged pre-trial incommunicado detention in the custody of Air Force Intelligence. They were aged between 21 and 30 at the time of their arrests in early 2006.

There are widespread reports of torture and other ill-treatment in Syria’s detention and interrogation centres, police stations and prisons. In 2009, seven people were reported to have died as a possible result of abuses in custody. The authorities took no action to investigate these allegations, as far as Amnesty International is aware. “Confessions” extracted under duress are systematically used as evidence in Syrian courts, and the defendants’ claims that they have been tortured or otherwise ill-treated are almost never investigated.


UA: 129/10 Index: MDE 24/025/2010 Issue Date: 17 September 2010

Amsterdam...

This is the second time I've visited Amsterdam.. The first time was just before I moved to BBC Arabic.. It was pretty exciting to be in as I hadn't been there before and I liked what I saw (and at this point I have to admit - it wasn't much).. I left hoping that one day I could move here and work in this country.. I was going to have to learn how to ride bikes but what the heck..

A few years later, I'm here.. It is pretty exciting and - although I saw more than I did last time - I still feel there's a lot more I'm missing out on..





The hotel was certainly one I will never forget.. It is one that I was really worried about as I didn't think it will be safe let alone that it will be this cool!

The rooms really are tiny.. but never have I seen technology that can do so much. It made me ignore how small the room is and hope that I can transform my room at home to be exactly as this.

There's so much this visit has given me... mainly, it provided me with a break, from everything... It suddenly made me feel that I really don't care what happens anywhere in the world and just enjoy the whole experience.

One day I really will move to Amsterdam and work here.. who knows... maybe soon.

So much to say.........

... not a single word to describe it.

It doesn't make sense... nothing does.. mind you, for months, nothing did.

I can't do this anymore.. really can't. I have to stop... soon

Why I posted that message...message

... Simple!

Well, not really..

I spent the day with Saida and she asked me to check a number I had sent her 2 years ago (yep that's true - 2 years ago).. I doubted I still have it but told her I'd check.. I was going through old message when I saw this message.. I was wondering why I still kept it!

I posted it so I can delete it from my phone.. better in a blog really...

Time to sleep.. it was a long day..

A message I'll never forget sending..

"I'm on my way to Cairo for work reasons but I wanted to let you all know that my engagement has ended and my wedding is no longer in 2 weeks. Sorry for the very late notice."

Date: 26th Feb 2010
Time: 14:53
Location: London, UK - Heathrow airport - on board Egyptair Flight Heading to Cairo

أكتر حاجة توجع في لحظة الفراق
حبيبك تلمحه
ودموعه رافضة تطلع وكأنه حالا فاق على ايد بتدبحه
وكأن ده عادي
لأ
وأقل كمان من العادي
والوقت ده كله في عمر الواحد راح على الفاضي
وما بين لقى وفراق
كأننا في سباق
ده بيبكي وهو مفارق
وده فارق وماهوش فارق
مين فينا وفّى بوعده وما خانش الاتفاق
وتبقى فمترحه


طريق مفتوح وباب
وصوت طالع بخوف
بيعلق الاسباب
على شماعة الظروف
خلاص ما فيش جراح
خلاص الوقت فات
معقول في حد مات
حتعرف تجرحه

وكأن ده عادي
لأ
وأقل كمان من العادي
والوقت ده كله في عمر الواحد راح على الفاضي
وما بين لقى وفراق
كأننا في سباق
ده بيبكي وهو مفارق
وده فارق وماهوش فارق
مين فينا وفّى بوعده وما خانش الاتفاق
وتبقى فمترحه

Dreams..

Well.. Looking at the bright side - at least they weren't nightmares!

Two dreams back to back.. Both about the same thing but both totally contradicting.. It's like one of those classic movies where u see the whole movie then the star wakes up to discover it was a dream and they decide what they should do based on that...

That's not what I'll do. Or even can do..

Still feeling drained.. More so then yesterday. But also feel like I need to do something to get me back up and running..

I need to go back to the old me.. I miss her so much...

I spoke too soon!!

I have been so agitated all day.. Losing my nerves and just don't feel right. I snapped.. Even the outing at the end of the day that I thought would help made me feel even worse.

I also lost another friend this week. It's like I'm on a roll!!!

I feel like *#%$ and really feeling the stress.. But I'm determined now that I don't need such "friends". Anyone who abuses friendship for their personal benefit is not a friend and is certainly not a friend I would want to keep..

As Nawara once said.. I'd rather have one good "friend" then a million fake ones..

I wish Amr was here.. He would have said one of the odd things he usually says that I make fun of but deep down I know he's right..

I can't do this anymore.. Certainly not today. Time to call it a day...

Step 1...

... I think. I mean the last time I said this story I was shaking like mad.. I was petrified just at the thought of telling this story... it brought back all the scary days I had to live through thinking and wondering if I will ever make it.. if I will be there for my parents who need me... if.... lots of things...

Today, as I was telling that same story, I was more calm.. more relaxed... it was just a story...

I don't know what has changed.. maybe knowing that I'm not the only one going through these odd events in life.. I was sure I wasn't but maybe I was just being a drama queen..

I haven't had a nightmare all week... It's great.. I still don't sleep through the night but it's better than waking up feeling that life was being taken away from me...

I don't know what is happening or what is going on.. all I know is that this week is relaxed.. I'm turning into a more relaxed me..

I really hope it lasts.

إحالة العمال للمحاكم العسكرية موت وخراب ديار

sign the petition - امضي على البيان
لا ..لإحالة العمال إلى المحاكمات العسكرية


لا تكتفي الدولة بتشريد وإذلال وقتل العمال بدم بارد نتيجة سياساتها المعادية لهم، بل تسعى أيضا لإسكات أصواتهم باستخدام أكثر الأساليب قهرا بتقديمهم للمحاكمة العسكرية التي لا يتوافر بها أي ضمانات أو حقوق دفاع.

يحاكم الآن ثمانية عمال من مصنع 99 الحربي (شركة حلوان للصناعات الهندسية) أمام المحكمة العسكرية بتهم إفشاء أسرار عسكرية والامتناع عن العمل والاعتداء بالضرب على اللواء محمد أمين رئيس مجلس إدارة الشركة، كان العمال الثمانية قد تم القبض عليهم مع 17 آخرين من زملائهم عقب اعتصام عمال المصنع يوم 3 أغسطس الجارى احتجاجا على انفجار أنبوبة نيتروجين ( غلاية ) داخل المصنع مما أدى إلى وفاة العامل أحمد عبد الهادي(37 عاما) وإصابة ستة عمال آخرين بجروح.

وعلى أثر تلك الاحتجاجات سعت أجهزةالدولة إلى ترهيب العمال وتأديبهم لتجرأهم على الاحتجاج فاتخذت ضد 25 عامل إجراءات تحقيق تلاها إحالة 8 من عمال المصنع إلى النيابة العسكرية تمهيدا لتقديمهم لمحاكمة عسكرية رغم أنهم عمال مدنين ورغم أن الأمر يتعلق بنزاع عمل تحكمه القوانين العادية.

وقامت النيابة العسكرية يوم السبت الموافق 14 أغسطس بحبسهم أربعة أيام على ذمة التحقيقات ثم تجديد حبسهم مرة أخرى يوم الثلاثاء الماضى، ثم تحويلهم للمحكمةالعسكرية التى بدأت أولى جلساتها الأحد 22 أغسطس ليتم تأجيل المحاكمة إلى الأربعاءالمقبل، كما رفضت النيابة العسكرية إعطاء المحامين صورةملف القضية للإطلاع عليه، وتحددت جلسة مفاجئه سريعة للمحاكمة.

وبالرغم من ادعاء وزيرة القوى العاملة عائشة عبد الهادي دائما في جميع المحافل بأنها تقف بجانب حقوق العمال، إلاأنها لم تحرك ساكنا إذاء ما يحدث للعمال، هذا بالإضافة للصمت المعهود من اتحاد عمال مصر و تقاعصه عن الدفاع عن حقوق العمال والتصدي لما يحدث لهم من انتهاكات.

ونعلن نحن المتضامنين مع العمال رفضنا لتقديم عمال مدنيين لمحاكمة عسكرية، وتطالب بإحالة القضية للقضاء العادي، وتطالب أيضا بمحاكمة المسؤلين عن موت العامل ومحاكمة إدارة المصنع التي تسببت في أكثر من انفجار وإصابات ووفيات بين العمال بسبب الإهمال، ونحذر أن تكون المحاكمة صورية وحكمها جاهز سلفا، ونعلن بدأ حملة تشهير واسعة محليا ودوليا ضد المسؤلين عن تلك المذبحة.
--------
المشاركون في الحملة

جبهة التهييس الشعبية
me myself and I
ماحدش فاهم
جنين
دهووم
انسانة
طراطيش
غريب
ياباني
ميزو
ثورة مصر
صرير قلم
ادهم
مدونة شاب مصري
الحلم العربي
رسائل البحر
أنا وهؤلاء
ايجي فويس
مدونة دودا
امّا نعيمه
تـأمـــلاتي
masry fi faransa
مركز الدراسات الاشتراكية
تضامن
المنتدى النقابي الحر
إخوان أون لاين
هرش مخ
حكايات مصرية
Mostahfazana
كومة ورق

ونرجوا من الجميع نشر البيان في كل المدونات

Ramadan

This year it seems to be so different - certainly than the last year...

This year Heba is not around.. it doesn't feel like it did before.. like the family is incomplete and it doesn't feel right..

I also lost interest in so many things... Series... I don't care anymore. I'm downloading stuff but I don't even try to follow what's going on or what is the best one etc....

I also became single since the last Ramadan.. That - albeit took a long time to confirm it - feels so much better than I though it would.. I was in a relationship with a selfish baby.. It became so apparent - especially in Ramadan - the amount of time and effort I needed to please that baby.. and it never worked.. He was selfish and was never satisfied with anything I do for him and always wanted more.. It really is such a relief!!

I also started exploring people around me.. started to not care about who was happy and who wasn't.. Instead, all I care about is who deserves to be and deserves the time and effort and who does not.

It makes all things make sense.. amazing



And now to keep focusing on the future.. 2 more months.. I'm sure they'll be ok..

Can't wait..

Team work...

... why is it so hard in this place?

Most people seem to think team work means people get to do what you don't want to do!!! News flash: IT DOESN'T!

Team work means sharing, helping each other out, working together... not doing what you don't want to do...

Toz feehom :)

Lessons learned...

... from last week.

People can seem to be really bad at something, but in fact they would be really good. Don't let looks or even your own impressions deceive you.

I need to calm down. I HAVE TO stop drinking coke and pepsi. They make me so hyper and it's really reflecting negatively now... NO MORE!

Life really is too short. It's great to enjoy it but always remain focused on what it is you are aiming to achieve.. Both in this life and the next.

Intercepting a community is not hard.. Being amongst them is not difficult.. Attempting to fit in is easy... For the community to accept you as one of them is AMAZING!

I am really falling in love... all over again... with nature, the best thing there is... Subhan Allah.

Readers are plentiful....

...thinkers are rare. (Harriet Martineau)

Not everyone who owns an iPhone know how to use it...

What a freaking day! I am not a technical expert but why on earth would you argue about something you don't even know....

It's so frustrating...

أحبيني

احِبيَّني بلا عُقَدِ وضعي في خُطُوطِ يدي
احبيني لاسبوع, لايام, لساعات فلست انا الذي يهتم بالابدِ

تعالي واسقطي مطراً على عطشي وصحرائي
وذوبي في فمي كالشمع وانعجني باجزائي

أحبيني ..

أحبيني بطهري او بأخطائي
وغطيني أيا سقفا من الازهار..
ياغابات حناءِ
أنا رجلٌ بلا قدرٍ فكٌوني انتِ لي قَدَري

أحبيني ..

أحبيني ولاتتساءَلي كيفَ ..
ولا تتلعثمي خجلاً ..
ولاتتساقطي خوفا ..

كوني البحر والميناء
كوني والارض والمنفى

كوني الصحوة والاعصار
كوني اللين والعنفَ

أحبيني معذبتي وذوبي في الهواء مثلي كما شئتِ

أحبيني بعيداُ عن بلاد القهر والكبت
بعيدا عن مدينتنا التي شبعت من الموت

أحبيني ..

Complete change of plans..

... now I'm not working on my own.. though I'm still eager to give it a shot.. my own version.

However.. this is not what I want to talk about... Today I met someone I would really love to work with.. I think..

Smart, willing to throw away the plan as you are about to start it and improvise.. He knows a lot about technology AND he's good looking! What more could I possibly want!

It was actually really nice working with him today - he was technically knowledgeable and this meant that I didn't need to spend days explaining to him what I'm talking about (let alone what we are supposed to be doing!). He was also a charmer and he managed to get people to do what he wanted - easily.. It made the task much easier.

As we started one of the interviews I surprised him by saying that HE would be conducting it - alone - and in classical Arabic.. If that was me I'd want a few mins to get my self ready. It took him seconds.

Sitting in the meeting was also great - some fresh ideas - new topics - fresh attitude - excitement about what we are doing.. it was all just great.

Plus he's not a drama queen - didn't get tired - hasn't complained for a second!

It makes me think "WHAT THE HECK WAS I ....." actually I'll censor that part :D

Today was very positive - I definitely can see how this programme will work. Didn't see it before.



On the funny side.... My boss said something about this same issue that cracked me up at first, until I saw it for myself.. This is censored too :D


DEAR WORLD - THANK YOU!!!!

Let's get ready to rumble..

... I'm going to give it a shot... the whole programme, on my own well of course not just me all the time - I mean to work through it all)..

What's the worst that could happen!

Bingo!

What a day?!

my plan was very simple.. go to work, carry out a number of tasks, go home!

Then, it was all thrown in the air.

A meeting, followed by a programme.. As usual, I drank too much pepsi all weekend and get way too hyper.. It was fun!

I loved all the action.

Time to do a few things at home and sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeep... a long day tomorrow ;)

To do list...

... I really need to work on this blog... and also start sharing stuff between the blog and Facebook... I think.

The design looks so bad too... need to do some work on it.. eventually!

Can't think of any more as it's hot and stuffy so tomorrow I'll figure out what I should have added to the to do list I suppose :D

Missing my baby...

..and suddenly the world seems really boring now. It is not the same.. not any more.

Well.. there are two choices now.. go back in time and stop this from happening.. or.. look forward and pretend all this didn't even happen.

Option 2 it is.

Good start..

I stood up for what is right today.. the first time since moving to this place. Enough is enough.

People complaining of unequal treatment when they themselves don't do half the work being done by the others. They complain of financial issues when they claim every penny they spend - even when it is for personal reasons and not work reasons. And more...

I stopped the praise everyone was sharing around when they had nothing to do with it. The person who deserved all the praise was quietly listening to everyone being thanked for doing nothing.

I made it clear who was working hard and who was staying well after their working hours to work on this. I felt better knowing he was recognised for all the hard work he put in.

The other person who was going on and on and on about the financial side of it... well he really needs help - help to see what it is like for someone to do a proper day's work.

Beware my honesty - it may hurt.

........

Never felt like this before...

The greatest guy I have ever known is in trouble.. he needs my support.. yet I can't be there for him.. Apart from the thousands of miles between us, I'm too exhausted from what has been happening that I lost focus.. I didn't even notice there was something wrong... That has to change..

And the rest... it can all sort itself out.. people who think they need me will have to find alternatives. He deserves my support and deserves that I give him the attention he deserves... He was the only one there for me.. always..

Sorry world, he comes first! Always will...

Enough!

Another nightmare.. More blood... Silent screams... Then I wake up with really fast heartbeats... I don't know what's causing this or how to stop it... but it has to stop. Somehow...

And so...

... I need a holiday!! For real!

I love being this busy and buzzing with many different things to do.. but I still want to go on that holiday I promised I will go to.. so... i have to book it tomorrow...

Can't seem to finish writing.. must sleep...

bonne nuit

تفاصيل و وقائع القضايا الملفقة...

تفاصيل و وقائع القضايا الملفقة من القاضي عبد الفتاح مراد ضد الشبكة العربية ومركز هشام مبارك والمدونين المصريين

جمال عيد “الشبكة العربية” ، أحمد سيف “مركز هشام مبارك” ، عمرو غربية “مدون” ، علاء سيف “مدون” ، منال بهي “مدونة”

http://www.anhri.net/?p=8018

Home is...

... where the heart is.

Mine has been missing for a while now.. Really looking forward to next week.. will i have the Ramadan lantern I am looking forward to? Or will it be a different surprise?

Wednesday was a really odd day.. I was fine all day and suddenly I was in a completely different world.. couldn't focus and felt really odd.. just a couple of hours ago I found out why..

I think I have one of those hearts.. the kind that connects with those closest to it and starts to feel it when they are in trouble..

I got to go to sleep otherwise I won't be there on time tomorrow..

Hold on to that thought...

So where's the problem!!

In a meeting today I heard someone come up with as many excuses as they can in order not to work like everyone else.. Why? why is that person better than any of us? Some of the excuses were the worst ever, some were even made up...

Made me think... What the hell is wrong with these people??

There are thousands looking for work and would love to replace this person. When would people like this person realize how lucky they are to even have a job in the current economic crisis and stop acting like this?

One day...hopefully when they still have a job to go to..

In the meantime, I'm enjoying this! :D

He is right...

... my best friend is actually right. He knows me too well.. he knows when I say something and mean it and when I need someone to wake me up. Today, he did just that.

I hate him for knowing me so much but kinda glad that he does..

Not long to go now.. just need to hold on a little longer..

Friends...

I grew up with lots of "friends" around me.. and at an early age I discovered that friends aren't always real.. sometimes they are there for as long as things suit you both... sometimes they'll be there for you no matter what.

At that early age I lost a very dear friends.. He passed away.. It hurt.. I had an argument with him days before he passed away and I said something I will regret for the rest of my life. It never crossed my mind then that life can be so short.. I always thought that we'll die old..

When I heard the news I froze.. couldn't think or react.. "it can't be true".. "no way".. I even convinced myself it was just my imagination or maybe a nightmare and now that I woke up everything is back to normal. I even got ready for school, put my headphones on, switched on the music and made my way to school.. as soon as I saw my friends and they asked me I fell to pieces... It suddenly sunk in..

After that I got into a state of depression.. thinking "why him.. he's young.. he's like a brother to me.. I have no one else to talk to who really understand.. no one to tell me when I do something wrong.. no one to support me or encourage me...no one..."

Days later those "friends" around me started to fade away.. they were no longer interested in the girl who is in this state of shock.. they missed having fun..

I promised myself then to never have "friends" or even friends.. It was going to hurt either way so why bother..

A few weeks ago I discovered why we have to bother.. because LIFE IS TOO SHORT. One day you won't wake up.. or you'll fall sick and won't recover.. or you'll be crossing the road and never make it to the other side... it can be anything.. having real friends around is what makes life worthwhile... nothing else will..

If you have a friend out there that you haven't talked to for ages - now is the time.. If a friend of yours is cross with you about something - go talk to them.. make it up for them.. restore that friendship.

I hope my friends will remember me as the smiling kid who always wanted to have a happy life and enjoy every bit of it with her friends...

Frustration..

Dear blog..

I have had a very tough week... but it's not all me.. some of my very close friends are going through very tough times too.. except this time I don't feel like i'm supporting them the way I usually can do....

It's not easy.. I mean being in this world is not easy... sometime I feel like looking for the EXIT door and just leave.. can't seem to find it though..

Life is really not this complicated - I know - but at times you just see it falling apart on all sides and as soon as you start to work on getting one part restored you find that the other parts are collapsing too..

How can I support my friends as I usually do when I myself need support... it has been almost 5 months.. what's taking so long!

It feels like I went back to school... the little crazy me who was always happy yet kept getting one blow after another... till i became this sad little girl who just wanted to hear music all the time.. sad music.. just didn't want to talk.. didn't want friends whom i can lose as it hurts.. especially if you don't get a chance to say goodbye..

Well... now what?

I can't support my friends.. I can't pick them up when they fall... I can't stop them from getting hurt.. i just need to.... don't know.. need to focus.. but i can't seem to be able to do that..

where is the end? the exit?

Khalid Said - silent protests..

I woke up this morning feeling sick... still don't feel right and really needed the day off from work but I couldn't. I was so determined to attend the Khalid Said protest later today and so couldn't really see how I can attend this and not go to work.

I struggled throughout the day and was even told to go home at 11am by a colleague at work.. He said I was looking so pale and tired.. I was still determined to make it till the end of the day for the protest.

It was 6:20 and it was time to go.. I wasn't sure what to expect..

The minute we arrived it was exciting. Egyptian flags could be seen from across the road.. I started taking photos.. getting more excited... recording videos.. talking to people.. hearing people's feedback.. it really was interesting.

The silent demo and protesters attracted a lot of attention.. lots of tourists were wondering what was going on.. they were not afraid to ask.. lots of children were present and parents were telling them the story of the young boy who was beaten to death by the police...



The atmosphere was just amazing.. yet very depressing..

Why can't we protest the same way in Egypt.. peacefully.. without uttering a word?

I compared the photo i took with those being distributed which showed how people were being treated in Egypt for the same reason - the silent protest.. why? I mean why is there this massive difference!



All I can think of now is what will make people continue protesting and not accepting this state... i hope we can see the end soon!

What if...

A question I keep asking myself everyday... What if we were living in Egypt, what if my dad never left Egypt, what if I decided not to move from school when I did, what if I decide to go back, what if the decisions I make on a daily basis were different? What would have happened? What would have changed? Would anything have changed?

I ask whilst looking around me.. wondering what would happen to those around me if they didn't make the decisions they did.. would our lives have been different...

Maybe I'm thinking too much but I can't stop... As I read about the victims in Egypt - those allegedly killed by police officers or raped... what are we heading to? what's the reason? will it end??

I hoped I was there... not that I was going to stop anything but maybe I wouldn't feel so guilty... or would I have felt even worse?

Life isn't straight-forward.. Lots of changes and lots of disasters, one after the other... I just hope it ends.. for my sanity if nothing else..

I'm still here...

... so much has been happening so I haven't been able to update my blog.. Not sure what I learned in this last month but it must be too much!

I have gone to visit my sister and was really happy to see her try to move on with her new life.. It was great and made me less worried about her.

Work is still as it was.. though I'm considering all the options I have and considering which is the best one..

Still trying to figure out how this universe works, how people think and how some people have no brains to use... It's a mystery..

I will be back properly soon... as soon as I try to make sense of this crazy world :)

Amr Adeeb and Hosam Saleh...

أه ياما يابا ياما



إيه المصايب إلي بتتحدف علينا دي ياربي.....

عمرو أديب يشل بس كنا مستحملين وساكتين إنما كمان جاب لنا حمار معاه و بيقول إنه خبير في الكمبيوتر والإنترنت ... والله جاري إلي عنده ٦ سنين أحسن منه!! مين الحاج ده؟؟ جابهولنا منين يعني؟؟

كونتر إيه إلي يوتيوب بيوقفوه؟؟ ماهو نفس الفيديو وصل أكتر من ٦٠٠،٠٠٠ مشاهد في نفس الوقت... إشمعنى يعني؟؟

مين حسام صالح ده والنبي؟ خريج إيه ده؟ طيب بيشتغل إيه يعني؟

الراجل ده خلانا نسينا موضوع غزة و إسرائيل و ركزنا في الجنان اللي بيقوله... ارحمنا يا رب من الناس دي بقى

و قال إيه الموساد ساب كل اللي وراه ومسك فيديو عمرو أديب بس ... ٨٠،٠٠٠ مشاهد تعبهم و مسكو الفيديو ده و سابم اللي فيه أكتر من نص مليون

رحمتك يا رب و يا رب صبرنا و عوض علينا عوض الصابرين .... قولوا أمييييييين

One - Zero

Has football dominated the Egyptian minds?
It may very well have.. The problem is that it is spreading worldwide, though it is becoming more transparent in the Egyptian media - which reflects the mindset of the simple Egyptians.

In the past few days I've seen 2 Egyptian movies revolving around football. "Alzamahlaweya" (a word which is used to combine the two top clubs in Egypt Zamalek and Ahly) and "One - Zero" - a movie which has gained a lot of criticism and praise due to the sensitive issues it tackles.

If you watch both movies you will know how frustrated Egyptian are. Let's start with the first movie.

Alzamahlaweya features two families with past history of hatred due to their fanatical support to the two top clubs in Egypt. Though they are neighbors, their support to opposing clubs have widened a gap between them. As the plot is revealed we discover that both wives in the two families are strong supporters of their husbands' rival teams. They become best friends and soon find out that their children are madly in love with each other. But how will they break the news to their husbands? You find out also that there are those who benefit from such friction and they do their best to widen this gap between the supporters of the clubs to ensure it works out in their benefit.

The second movie is deeper than the first. It tackles more serious issues and shows that football is the only common denominator that brings all classes of Egyptians together. You see the poor who sell their bodies to gain money to spend on their families, you see those who face daily dilemmas to live a normal life due to their religious beliefs (which happen to be different to that of the state), you see youth working hard in order to start their own business but struggle to make ends meet, you see a mother working so hard in so many things in order to find the money to support herself and her son, you see a poor man looking after his grandchildren but using Hash as a means of gaining money quickly and more easily, you see a police officer using his position to punish a girl who refuses to be with him... you see many examples of Egyptians suffering and the economical and political state of the country holding them down. The only thing that manages to draw a smile on their face is when Egypt's national team win the African cup.

Both movies make you wonder, what would it take to make Egyptians happy? Is it really the football matches? Or is this a way of them letting out steam. After all, most of their problems are not easy to solve nor will they disappear overnight.

If these movies reflect anything, they reflect the state of despair the Egyptians are feeling and heir search for anything to make their daily lives more tolerable.

But it doesn't stop there. The number of songs made for the world cup is unbelievable. Remember it hasn't actually started yet. Not to mention the number of Egyptian songs being made for every football occasion possible. Songs are also being made in case the Egyptian nation team wins, for example. The time and effort used to write, compose and perform these songs are scary when you think that there is a chance they will not be aired or make it to life if the team loses.

It seems that football is one thing that, Egyptians in particular and the world in general, are enthusiastic about.

Marwa Hassan
BBC

(ok that's over doing it but what the heck!)

Day 6...

There wasn't a day 1 to 5 but I was too exhausted to note them...

This is the 6th day in a row where I feel this.... I don't even know how to describe it.. so why am I writing this note?!!

It feels like I'm being pessimistic but I don't think I'll be around for long.. will it be weeks or months? Who knows...

I'll be strong to the end, I know.. even if I shed a tear I'll still be very strong... but now I have to wonder... how long will it be?

Yaaaawwwwwnnnnnnnnnnn

I can't seem to stop yawning this week!!
Last week has been a very long week and I only had one day off this weekend but this has never made me this tired before!!!

I am really looking forward to a long weekend this weekend.. so many places we may go to but as long as I am away from here it doesn't really matter :)

So many things took place this week and last week. They are mostly good.. I also learned a very important lesson.. NEVER and I mean NEVER get in a relationship with someone without working with them first.. doesn't have to be forever but at least get to work on a small project with them. This is the only thing that will show you what this person will be like for the rest of your lives together! Personally, it was an eye opener for me!! What was I getting myself into!!

You will also get to see what other people meant, especially if they make comments like "they will never be in control, you will always have to take charge".. I used to think they are so wrong.. until I found out for myself.

You have to believe in fate.. Not everything you think is bad for you actually is bad for you!

Loving it...

... not sure what "IT" is...

Today I had another one of those unusual dreams... It was odd but not bad..

I was walking in a street close to work and home, one I often walk in, and I found a woman wearing a bridal gown walking out of a restaurant with her groom.. She looked really hyper it was daytime still so it grabbed my attention.. That's not the end of it though..



Moments later another woman appeared wearing a wedding gown, this time she was walking alone.. Moments later more and more women appeared wearing wedding gowns and there were a couple walking together (2 women both wearing wedding gowns..). It was becoming really weird!

I decided to walk into the posh restaurant that the first couple walked out of as I was supposed to meet someone there. I arrived and was told that there is a "women only" area on the lower ground floor.. I headed for the stairs though I kept saying that some people were supposed to meet me and they are on the top floor..

As I reached the area I discovered I was the only one there - apart from the cleaner who was cleaning the toilet! The toilet looked nice and clean so I made an excuse of sorting my scarf out then headed to the top floor. It was more lively - the food was amazing too! I finally found the people I was looking for and sat with them on the table to tell them about this weird day I am having.. That's when I woke up and discovered it was still 05:30!!!

what the heck does this dream mean? It put me in a nice mood to start the day but I keep thinking what does it mean?

Well, time to finish a few things before I head to bed.. Maybe there will be a part 2 (,")

Friends..

My dear blog..

Today I spoke to 3 people from my past... all 3 were truly amazing.. It's hard to understand how friends can be so far from each other in distance yet understand each other and can be there for each other.. Just as it is hard to understand how friends can be so close in distance but yet so far...

I spoke to 2 of them over the phone.. Their voices came as a relief.. a soothing feeling that reminds you of how good things used to be.. without a doubt I cried.. I have missed them so much and missed the fun and great times we used to have together.. These really were the days, when nothing bothered us, nothing could stand in the way of our happiness.. I wish I could go back to those days..

It felt amazing to know I can still rely on these 3 dear friends.. I can always ask them for help and they will always go out of their way to help out.. they truly are amazing and exactly what friends should be like..

I wish them all the happiness in the world and wish they would always be my great friends as I wish I will always be their great friend. I love you guys..

I didn't forget you...

I mean the blog idea is fab but I'm getting too busy (and maybe too lazy) to update it regularly!

As I started typing this post it started raining... I guess that's a good sign... right?

I am still trying to book a decent leave period so I can go visit Heba and spend some quality time in Cairo (followed by Turkey no doubt) so I'm hoping the volcanic ash will calm down a little until I do!

The question now is, how do I move from here? Work wise I mean.. This is the question that has been on my mind for weeks and I still didn't find the "right" answer... London, Amman, Doha, Cairo, or somewhere else.. where will I end up? Which one will I enjoy more? Who knows!!

A crazy dream..

.. well, after every great dream there must be a crazy one... I think..

This time it was really crazy.. I woke up thinking "NOT AGAIN!! Enough with these crazy dreams!" but the reason I woke up from that crazy dream was because the heroine of the dream sent me a text message (on my real phone, hence it vibrated and woke me up).. so it was odd anyway..

Now, the point is.. does that dream count as a warning? That I need to try and save her? Try to make her aware of what she may be getting herself into? Or am I reading too much into it? Why do I keep analyzing those dreams!!!

I guess I'm too tired to try and figure this out now.. So I will think about it tomorrow.. I hope it is just that, a crazy dream that means nothing.. Fingers crossed..

P.S. it really was a great day today :)

A great dream...

... sometimes that's all it takes to start that spark of hope again.. Well, that's what happened to me. I had an amazing dream. I didn't want to wake up.. I had to.

It's all it takes to change a mood, to make one start look at life differently, to give hope, to give life a ray of light to brighten up daily life..

Ok, that's enough, right?

Anyway.. After that dream I had to go to work. It was nice and it has certainly helped. I needed that anyway..

Work was OK. Lots of changed but most of it was anticipated. I hope it will change the "lazy culture" as some have described it today.

Looking forward to tomorrow.. let's hope it is better than today :)

Slowly....

... but it's happening... the ice is melting and I'm slowly starting to feel my heart beat... I aim to travel soon and I hope I will see him soon... let's see what happens next :)

I can't be bothered...

It's like trying so hard to make all this mess make sense but it doesn't... Something isn't right and I have no idea what it is..

It's not about revenge, nor is it about trying to sop life and suddenly change direction.. It's just a mess I am still trying to understand.. how did it happen and why? How do I prevent this from happening again in future? Am I that naïve?

What about work? Am I making the right decisions? Is this the right path? Is Cairo the answer? Or is it Jordan or Qatar? Or is it simply London!!

I need to find a way out of this mess.. to try and make all this make sense.. but I'm running out of time...

What a night!

Program done. I didn't really do much - at least not as I expected... However, it went well overall..

Now what? To continue or not?

What a great day!!

A new job offer, which is great! and another in the place.. though the second was not offer but more of a confirmation.

What was also great about it was the slap i felt someone took once they heard the news... it was pretty obvious.. I am mean!! :D

The thing is - people forget that the harder they work the more rewards they gain.. Getting someone else to do part of your job so you can look like a pro doesn't pay off in the long run...

Well I am on cloud 9 today.. The rooms are also looking great and I am ready for the next stages.. now the question remains, what about that job offer?

Today's quote:

"شكرا لكل من سقطوا من نظري لأنهم تركوا لي المجال حتى أرى غيرهم"

It's sooooo true..

Well, now that I managed to finish cleaning the 2 rooms I swapped and destroyed... time to focus on the more important things..

hmm? Say what??

What did I miss?? I woke up (though I had a terrible night's sleep!) and went out for a few hours.. I needed to see something other than the 2 rooms I managed to destroy!!

I came back and was determined to sort at least one of them out. I only have tomorrow left and this is not good...

I managed to finish the largest room (hooray!) and now have little to do in the 2nd room... The summary of this story is: sometimes you need a break away from something in order to be able to go back to it and finish it off.. That was easy!

But then it's lots of news today.. including a new arrival (i.e. new baby).. it's so exciting :D

Enough blogging.. got to go back to the 2nd room.. I am determined to have an early night tonight!

I need a miracle!!

So I ended up swapping the rooms as I had planned.. the problem is, I can't seem to make either rooms look clean... There is so much stuff lying on the floors of both room that it looks like a devastating after effect of some flooding or earthquake!! I need a miracle to get all this sorted out before it's too late!!

Can't believe I can cause so much damage alone! LOL

That sweet feeling..

... you know, like the first time you fall in love.. it feels that way.... I feel happy today.. really happy :)

I do miss Heba so much... I'm even going to change rooms so I don't keep waking up and looking at her bed wondering where she is.. I'll do that tomorrow as I really do need to sleep.

I also miss him.. It was nice teasing each other and the day of the wedding revealed lots of feelings that was just great...

I guess we will meet soon.. not sure yet in which country but it's gonna happen.. at the right time..

Time to go to sleep... I learned so much whilst in Egypt. Mainly about how wedding plans can all happen in the last minute and it will still look like it took ages to plan. Also that you shouldn't try to please people because you can never please everyone so better do what you think is right. Finally, that I really miss Heba and it will be a very tough few months until I get used to not having her around..

Good night y'all... (who the heck is all!) hehehehe

Home sweet home...

I'm so glad I'm back.. I feel so hyper and happy, again!

Don't know what that was all about but I was so glad to be on today's flight... now I have the next 10 days alone with my brothers to see who will drive the others mad (,")

Time to enjoy!

Time to go home...

It has been a great week, but I don't feel like I'm at home.. I miss my room, my friends, my things.. just want to leave and go back.

Something here doesn't feel right, I don't know what it is but it is making me feel really odd...really glad I'm leaving in a few hours..

Cairo... another day..

I can't even think how many days it has been since we arrived.. I'm ill and staying in bed all day, not fun :(

Heba is still in Sharm Elsheikh with Ahmed and I miss her so much... I keep waking up thinking she's in the same room but don't find her.. I hope she's having a great time..

Now the question is, do I follow her? NO, not to Sharm of course!! I mean with the whole marriage thing.. do I take this step now or is it too soon? (I have to recover from the cold/flu first anyway!)..

I feel so tired that I can't even think.. I have to say though, HE is amazing.. really caring and.... but is it too soon?

There is so much I need to do whilst here in Egypt but can't remember a single thing of it!!! Damn that flu/cold!!!! (I can't even tell what it is!)

I am enjoying the wedding photos and we keep teasing each other :)

Alexandria? Maybe tomorrow, if my cold/flu gets any better.. fingers crossed.

Cairo, day 1

what a day!!

It felt soooooo long that I had to sleep to make time fly!!

We left this morning to make the final arrangements for tomorrow's wedding.. it was great.

The I went home.. I had to wait from the train that arrives at 9.30 and it seemed time has just gone really slow... it was still 6... a few hours later - or so it seemed - it was 6.05!!!

I slept and woke up to find it was 8... there were lots of visitors so it was nice to chat to them until then..

At 10pm the door opened.. There he is.. he gained lots of weight but that didn't matter to me.. Withing minutes me, him and my brother were on our way to but the wedding cake. It was a chance for a catch up.. it was nice.

now we are all in the flat, the family i mean, enjoying Heba's last day with us..

Dear blog, I'll catch up with you later :)

Cairo.. the city that never sleeps..

Well, after 4 days of cancelled flights and delays and dramas we finally arrived in Cairo. It's amazing... I don't know what it is that makes me feel like I'm alive :)

A year ago I was on my way to Turkey (followed by a trip to Cairo) and during this period I was initiating a relationship.. It failed miserably in the end but I learned so much from it..

Well, this year I'm in Cairo at around the same time and assessing the initiation of yet another relationship... what is it with relationships and Cairo!!

I guess I'm ready for a new adventure but before I start that adventure I'm going to enjoy single life to the max... who knows, it may be my last few days as a single person... oh joy!!

The flight was an odd one.. Egyptair has a new plane in their fleet and it was really nice compared to the other aircrafts I have been on so far.

To add to the joy of the trip I met three well known characters - Ramy Lakah (a businessman who left Egypt after being unable to pay back lots of loans and debts - or so it is alleged), Amr Zaky (a well known footballer in the Egyptian Zamalek team) and Mohammed Henidi (a well known actor). It reminded me of the note I wrote a few weeks ago about not judging books by their covers..

Anyway...

I was joined by my father, my sister - who is getting married in the next few days - and my mum. My dad and sister fell sick during the flight and it felt like we spent years in the plane.. Luckily they are both fine and doing well now.

So..

Tomorrow is the stat of a new adventure. Let's see what my crazy mind will get me to and what these few days will bring.. I'll keep blogging.. i think!

Back to the stars....

Hi blog... huh!

OK, seriously.. I promised myself I would turn my life around today, guess what? I did! I mean, I knew that I would.. I'm just saying "I did" to confirm... never mind.

I woke up today feeling tired and sleepy - again - but this time I woke up before my alarm even went off (the first alarm that is) and was ready to start the day... Start it right this time!

I went to work, singing all the way (in my mind of course! one volcano is bad enough) and smiling and full of energy. I was enjoying the sun and the lovely weather.

I arrived at work and it was all going so well. "I am determined to make this a good day", I kept saying to myself.

It really was amazing.. I didn't stop laughing (back to my usual crazy self) and I was full of confidence. I even heard lots of funny things today that made me like working where I am.. I needed that for a looooooooooong time!!


I have a cold? (sorry, this has nothing to do with what I'm saying but I just discovered that I have developed a cold whilst writing his blog note!!!!)... anyway...



The best thing that can happen to someone is that they discover that there is someone who really REALLY really cares about them. I don't mean caring as in the usual caring but that extra special CARING..

It made me feel great. Like an angel was watching over me.. I haven't felt that in over a year and it really did feel great... it made me realize what I was missing.. WOW!

So that's what it was like! cool!



BUT (there's always a "BUT")... what a weird nickname!!! seriously... it's weird... but somehow i still love it....

I'm looking forward to the flights returning to normal.. really am...

Good night world, good night blog... (I am acting like I'm stoned as someone said today... hehehehehe)

Hmmmmm.....

.... time to stop acting crazy and start focusing? About time!



I finally started sync'ing my iphone, getting rid of all the unnecessary photos that have been stuck there and I couldn't delete them. That's the first step.

Then, I need to work hard, on lots of things.. Finishing the editing I'm working on and focusing more on the future.. it really is bright if you look at it carefully. I was letting myself sink with all the negative thoughts and traumas... it has taken way too long from my precious time - time to stop..

I ordered my new diary/planner today. I will start working hard to get everything in order as it was before the start of 2010. Time to work my magic!

I also promised myself to make 2010 the best so far.. it has been very tough but I know I'm capable of turning it around.

The death of a dear friend many years ago made me find out how strong I can be and how I can turn my life around in an instant.. This time it wasn't the death of a friend but rather the death of a principle. Not mine, thank God.

I learned that people can be deceitful, they can pretend to be angels and really convince you of that. They are not necessarily angels though. I thought I have all the barriers set in place and ready to protect me but clearly this was a lesson I had to learn the hard way. It's not that simple..

But, as I said, time to focus on the positives of this year.. I'm tougher, stronger and ready for more challenges. I have succeeded professionally in ways I didn't think was possible.

I proved to myself in the last couple of months that I can do anything I set my mind to. It was amazing to see the outcome..



So.. Here's to another new start.. a fresh start to something amazing inshaa Allah...

Sunshine!!

I LOVE it!!! it's making my already so amazing mood even better!!

I want to lie on the grass and stare at the clear blue sky and the enjoy the tranquility... amazing, just amazing...

Ice cream!!

Dear world.... I LOVE you!

Well, maybe not LOVE you but rather "I think you're OK!".

Since yesterday I can't stop laughing... Volcano! ash cloud! we're stranded in the UK!! what about my sister's wedding!! This is something that can be written for a movie but to happen in real life, it's just odd!

But that's just one of the reasons why I don't seem to give a damn..

Life is great, I'm not sure why but it just feels great again.. I love the sunshine, the amazing weather, the fact that I regained my strength!

As I revealed more and more lies I decided to take some action. I spoke to a colleague - a very dear colleague - whom I lost due to all the lies I was hearing and believing.. I wanted to ask him, not sure what to ask him about but I wanted to talk to him.

Did he know about my ex's relationships? Did he know what was going on??

I asked him.. The shock on his face made me sure he didn't know.. I told him everything my ex has ever said to me about him, about their friendship, I even showed him an email he sent me about him - I wish I had saved everything so he could see it.

He looked more and more shocked.. I felt sorry for him. I wasn't the only one deceived..

He decided to confront my ex. As usual my ex ran away from all this and made excuses as to why he can't talk to him. He didn't need to. He's a liar.

My ex then thought that I - like him - had secrets I was scared people would know. I don't. My family raised me well, unlike him.

He sent me a threatening message on facebook. I saw it and laughed. I then updated my status that he's threatening me.. hehehehe

You see, when you don't do anything wrong, you have nothing to hide, you don't care what anyone says! Basically!

I won't stop. He has fooled so many people and I don't think he should be able to get away with it. He needs to understand that we all have to face the consequences of our actions. This is what life is all about!


Now the main point is... Soon I will have to get on with my life and stop looking back at this sick relationship and remember this sick guy... COOL!

Now what...

I feel so tired.. not sure why. I have had a pretty quiet day but I think my brain is overheating.. It has been working hard for the last few weeks that it's slowly feeling the pressure..

I can't stop wondering.. thinking.. trying to figure it out. Figure our the rest of the story.. what is it missing.. what else do I not know? what is right and what is wrong?

I forgot I didn't yet buy the dress I need to buy before going to Cairo.. I have 2 days left and my mind is all over the place.

I know it will be a really long trip.. I will leave my sister behind at a time when i need her support.. I will come back without her and who knows what else will happen whilst we're there... am I ready?

I have this feeling I felt one day many many years ago when we had a family trip to Chessington. We took a ride which was a train ride into a black hole. I felt lost. Like I was heading into the unknown... but I couldn't stop the train then, and I can't stop life now.

I need to move.. move somewhere very far.. somewhere where I don't know anyone and no one knows me. I need a break from everything. I think going to Turkey as planned is the best solution. Let's see what happens..

Mother ALWAYS knows best?

I thought about it... a lot... why does my family reject the person I chose as a partner.. He was intelligent, hard working, focused, set on developing himself and most of all we understood each other.

My family first welcomed him into our little family and he was automatically one of us.. well, after all the things I said about him why wouldn't they?

But something didn't feel right. I didn't feel they have really accepted him.. Something was not making my mum feel at ease... It was depriving her of sleep too.. She couldn't tell me about it nor could she figure out what it was.

As days went by, there was a gap starting to develop between me and my mum.. It broke my heart.. we were never far apart.. We were the closest out of all my siblings.. why now?

I kept putting it down to the fact that she felt she was going to have to part with me and my sister soon as we were arranging our weddings and will soon be moving out of the place. "she must be trying to get used to us not being around" I kept saying to myself. But I knew this wasn't the reason.

Days, weeks and months went by and my mum could no longer hide her worry. She confided in her friend and this made her share the worry. She didn't have to worry about it all on her own.

To her surprise, my sister also felt the same thing. She was talking to her one day and told her that although she still hadn't met my partner she feels there's something wrong. "When you see him", said my mum, "you will enjoy the chat you have with him. The minute he leaves you will feel there is something wrong.. you won't know what it is though".

All this was happening in complete secrecy. I wasn't aware nor would they have shared it with me. They know that, the rebel that I am, this would have made me feel stronger about him.

More months went by and we were close to the wedding.. very close. My mum and sister were in Egypt arranging the final details of my sister's wedding before she arrives back to attend my wedding (so close!).. I received a call from my mum.. I informed her that I would be traveling to Cairo for work purposes and that I will see them there.

"Pray Istikhara" said my mum. It's a prayer you pray and ask Allah to guide you. I assured her that I have been but I wanted to know what was going on as she sounded worried.. She told me to keep praying until she sees me the following day. "OK" I said.

I prayed that evening and again in the morning. To my surprise (and shock) I found me sending a text message... It said that I can no longer do this. I'm not happy. This is wrong.

I wasn't sure why I said that or how. I just remember sending it. I even forgot about it!!

Hours later I was on a plane on way to Cairo. I received a text message saying that it was over and my partner was going to announce the break up.

Within seconds I was sending text messages to my friends and colleagues and even updated my status on facebook to announce the break up. My family didn't know what was going on. They were receiving all the information as I was on the plane mid-air.

Today, I decided to share with the world the fact that I learned. Mothers ALWAYS know best.. They just DO.

I woke up and decided that I can no longer keep this secret. Not anymore.. Not now.

I have been supporting my partner in all ways I know how. My family taught me the best in life. They taught me to be there for anyone who needs or requires my help. No strings attached. They taught me honesty, bravery, they even taught me that when someone hurts me that I learn to forgive or at least forget and let go.

Maybe that was wrong...

Whilst I was hurt and in pain, I couldn't share this pain with anyone. I had to try to forget. Try to let it go..

When i learned that my ex-partner's father passed away I was in shock. What must he be going through? I have to be there for him... Any other sane human being would have let it go, I think... I didn't. I tried to support him but it backfired.

It took me a few days to say "ENOUGH!". I didn't do anything wrong here. HE did. Why do I feel bad?? Why do I feel like I didn't try to make this work? Why do I feel like I have never been there for him or supported him!!!!

I woke up feeling angry.

I opened my email and started reading.. Reading his message to her.. to them... Why didn't he ever mention that he was in a relationship with someone else? What made him think it was to hurt her too?? Why did he only decide to tell her there was someone else in his life 6 months after our engagement?? why did he tell her he was "starting a relationship" not that he has been engaged for 6 months!!

What about the others? What excuse could he possibly have? He was playing with all their hearts too.. why? did that make him feel good? Did it make him feel wanted? That he's desired by all these women?

What if they all found out what he is really like? Is it my role to wake them up to his reality just as someone decided to wake me up? Who was that person anyway? Why didn't they tell me all this earlier?


I shared this with my mother today.. I told he that I finally found out the reasons she never quiet felt right about him. I found out why her heart was filled with worry.. why she was never able to accept him as a member of the family. He was lying and cheating.

She sighed in relief.. She told me everything. Her conversations with her close friend. Her chats with my sister. Her prayers that if there was something wrong that it would be revealed before marriage. That if this was going to cause me any pain that I would stop it before it's too late.


You see, mothers DO know best... I love you mum..

Characters of a mysterious story..

I have felt lost for weeks. Trying to find the right words to express the story. It was a very hard task... But as they always say, there's light at the end of the tunnel. Well, I found it! Or rather it found me!

I saw a friend's note today (Mona) and a few notes from other friends (though they were not as obvious as Mona's or as helpful) and the Words were flowing.... So here it goes:



This is a story about a story. The story was very interesting to read. It really was. It was confusing too but it was interesting.

The starts of the story were many. Aram was the best one. Aram was the only one who knew what was happening. Aram was the only one who really took time to think. The others, including Marwah (no not me - but she was also good!), Amera, Eli, Remi...... this list can go on for some time!! .... we not aware of the main star of the story... they didn't realize it was a story or that they were heroes of it.

The story was catching to anyone reading it.. by the time they reached the first few pages they were either clever enough to know how the plot will end or (like me) were too attached to the plot that they just kept reading.

At the end of the story, everyone discovers how it ends and find out if they were right or wrong about the ending. I have to say... it's not as you would think it would turn out at all!



As i will add this to my blog - the one where i document my learning experience - i have to say that this story taught me a lot... you can never judge a book by its cover as the saying goes. In fact, you can't judge a book at all until you have read it all... the twist in the ending can make you see everything differently...




i have to say, i really admired every single heroine of the story, they were very brave.

The "hero"? You would have had to read the story but at the end the "hero" turns out to be a the evil character... I told you there was a twist!

6th April

What a day!!

I met a friend today over lunch and it was nice having a chat and catching up. It was like running away from reality and looking at things through someone else's eyes. It worked like magic.

Then I walked through Regents Park, my favorite place and one where I always leave in an amazing mood...

Then I arrived at home. Lots of packing is taking place. My sister is moving to another country soon and that is killing me. I mean we are like all siblings, we argue a lot and have silly discussions and spend days not talking sometimes... But whenever we need each other we always manage to support each other through hell and back.. I guess I'm not ready to lose her too. Not with everything else that's going on.

I also got lots of bad news from Egypt.. That was the last thing I needed.

If you know life well, you'll know that when you think things can't possibly be any worse it will surprise you with what's worse.

I was watching TV and I saw the mess in Egypt. Scary. If you have no money to feed your family, poisoned and rotten food that isn't even suitable for animal consumption but you don't have other choices, contaminated water, low wages, no clean air, no transport, poor education, an unfair government that has been ruling for years and won't leave unless the president's son is the new president, no fair elections and no freedom of speech.... To name a few! The last thing you can expect is that you are prohibited from demonstrating too!! The videos and photos were shocking. People were kidnapped in broad daylight.. Just for demonstrating peacefully.

Oh Egypt, whatever will happen to you next...

Time to end this day by going to sleep. Maybe in my dreams I will find a way out... Maybe not.

April...

... used to be a month I look forward to, for so many reasons.. not anymore.

In fact, I was looking forward to 2010, as well as other people, to get away from 2009 which was bad luck to a lot of people. As it turned out, 2009 was much nicer than 2010!

The year isn't going for many of us. On the professional as well as the personal levels. Is this who 2010 will be for the remainder of it? I hope not...

I got to see a different side to a lot of people around me. It is shocking! The latest was a colleague's wife who pretended to be a friend. Suddenly she took a stand. She decided not to talk to me! Why? Not a clue!

The funny side is that those people I'm seeing a very ugly side of were once the people I should have avoided and cut all relations with. At the time, however, I decided that I wouldn't do that as it was "unfair" and you should always find excuses to people's weird behaviors. This is a mistake I am learning from and learning the hard way too.

Time to cut back on such relations as they turned out to be more harmful than good!

The black duck

We have this saying that goes something like "I'm not the black duck" though in the English language it's a sheep rather than a duck.... the point is at some point we tend to feel we are different and the difference causes us to be picked on. Ever felt this way?

Today, whilst enjoying the lovely weather in the UK (which doesn't happen often) I had a weird thought.. it was more of a question that didn't really make sense even to me!

The question was something like "have you ever wondered what a lost child feels?" I mean having to figure out what they do and how to be independent for those few minutes before s/he is reunited with his family? But then I answered myself "we were all kids at some point and we all got lost so we do in fact know".. but do we?

If I ask my mum how many times I was lost in a shopping mall or in the market or anywhere she wouldn't be able to remember the as they were many... I remember just some too but I don't quiet remember what I felt back then..

What does that have to do with the duck? Nothing...

Recently I have started to observe people's behaviours and taken mental notes... they don't add up... It's like some people are acting like that lost kid.. trying to find independence but relying on others to help them out. Is that right or wrong?

I also met a lot of people in the last few months who are ready to attack once they feel you're having that "black duck" feeling or even like that lost kid. They see you as an easy target and start reflecting their insecurities on attacking you. The worst thing you can do is attack them back. It doesn't add up..

I am sure when I read this in the morning I'm going to find it as confusing as anyone else who reads it. I guess it has just been one of those days where I'm not thinking straight.

On that note, time to go to bed!

If I learnt anything today it has go to be the following - don't trust people regardless of how nice they may seem. Once they see you as the "black duck" you will see a totally different side to them..