Tuesday, 13 April 2010

Now what...

I feel so tired.. not sure why. I have had a pretty quiet day but I think my brain is overheating.. It has been working hard for the last few weeks that it's slowly feeling the pressure..

I can't stop wondering.. thinking.. trying to figure it out. Figure our the rest of the story.. what is it missing.. what else do I not know? what is right and what is wrong?

I forgot I didn't yet buy the dress I need to buy before going to Cairo.. I have 2 days left and my mind is all over the place.

I know it will be a really long trip.. I will leave my sister behind at a time when i need her support.. I will come back without her and who knows what else will happen whilst we're there... am I ready?

I have this feeling I felt one day many many years ago when we had a family trip to Chessington. We took a ride which was a train ride into a black hole. I felt lost. Like I was heading into the unknown... but I couldn't stop the train then, and I can't stop life now.

I need to move.. move somewhere very far.. somewhere where I don't know anyone and no one knows me. I need a break from everything. I think going to Turkey as planned is the best solution. Let's see what happens..

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