Sunday, 11 April 2010
Mother ALWAYS knows best?
I thought about it... a lot... why does my family reject the person I chose as a partner.. He was intelligent, hard working, focused, set on developing himself and most of all we understood each other.
My family first welcomed him into our little family and he was automatically one of us.. well, after all the things I said about him why wouldn't they?
But something didn't feel right. I didn't feel they have really accepted him.. Something was not making my mum feel at ease... It was depriving her of sleep too.. She couldn't tell me about it nor could she figure out what it was.
As days went by, there was a gap starting to develop between me and my mum.. It broke my heart.. we were never far apart.. We were the closest out of all my siblings.. why now?
I kept putting it down to the fact that she felt she was going to have to part with me and my sister soon as we were arranging our weddings and will soon be moving out of the place. "she must be trying to get used to us not being around" I kept saying to myself. But I knew this wasn't the reason.
Days, weeks and months went by and my mum could no longer hide her worry. She confided in her friend and this made her share the worry. She didn't have to worry about it all on her own.
To her surprise, my sister also felt the same thing. She was talking to her one day and told her that although she still hadn't met my partner she feels there's something wrong. "When you see him", said my mum, "you will enjoy the chat you have with him. The minute he leaves you will feel there is something wrong.. you won't know what it is though".
All this was happening in complete secrecy. I wasn't aware nor would they have shared it with me. They know that, the rebel that I am, this would have made me feel stronger about him.
More months went by and we were close to the wedding.. very close. My mum and sister were in Egypt arranging the final details of my sister's wedding before she arrives back to attend my wedding (so close!).. I received a call from my mum.. I informed her that I would be traveling to Cairo for work purposes and that I will see them there.
"Pray Istikhara" said my mum. It's a prayer you pray and ask Allah to guide you. I assured her that I have been but I wanted to know what was going on as she sounded worried.. She told me to keep praying until she sees me the following day. "OK" I said.
I prayed that evening and again in the morning. To my surprise (and shock) I found me sending a text message... It said that I can no longer do this. I'm not happy. This is wrong.
I wasn't sure why I said that or how. I just remember sending it. I even forgot about it!!
Hours later I was on a plane on way to Cairo. I received a text message saying that it was over and my partner was going to announce the break up.
Within seconds I was sending text messages to my friends and colleagues and even updated my status on facebook to announce the break up. My family didn't know what was going on. They were receiving all the information as I was on the plane mid-air.
Today, I decided to share with the world the fact that I learned. Mothers ALWAYS know best.. They just DO.
I woke up and decided that I can no longer keep this secret. Not anymore.. Not now.
I have been supporting my partner in all ways I know how. My family taught me the best in life. They taught me to be there for anyone who needs or requires my help. No strings attached. They taught me honesty, bravery, they even taught me that when someone hurts me that I learn to forgive or at least forget and let go.
Maybe that was wrong...
Whilst I was hurt and in pain, I couldn't share this pain with anyone. I had to try to forget. Try to let it go..
When i learned that my ex-partner's father passed away I was in shock. What must he be going through? I have to be there for him... Any other sane human being would have let it go, I think... I didn't. I tried to support him but it backfired.
It took me a few days to say "ENOUGH!". I didn't do anything wrong here. HE did. Why do I feel bad?? Why do I feel like I didn't try to make this work? Why do I feel like I have never been there for him or supported him!!!!
I woke up feeling angry.
I opened my email and started reading.. Reading his message to her.. to them... Why didn't he ever mention that he was in a relationship with someone else? What made him think it was to hurt her too?? Why did he only decide to tell her there was someone else in his life 6 months after our engagement?? why did he tell her he was "starting a relationship" not that he has been engaged for 6 months!!
What about the others? What excuse could he possibly have? He was playing with all their hearts too.. why? did that make him feel good? Did it make him feel wanted? That he's desired by all these women?
What if they all found out what he is really like? Is it my role to wake them up to his reality just as someone decided to wake me up? Who was that person anyway? Why didn't they tell me all this earlier?
I shared this with my mother today.. I told he that I finally found out the reasons she never quiet felt right about him. I found out why her heart was filled with worry.. why she was never able to accept him as a member of the family. He was lying and cheating.
She sighed in relief.. She told me everything. Her conversations with her close friend. Her chats with my sister. Her prayers that if there was something wrong that it would be revealed before marriage. That if this was going to cause me any pain that I would stop it before it's too late.
You see, mothers DO know best... I love you mum..