Friday, 30 July 2010

Good start..

I stood up for what is right today.. the first time since moving to this place. Enough is enough.

People complaining of unequal treatment when they themselves don't do half the work being done by the others. They complain of financial issues when they claim every penny they spend - even when it is for personal reasons and not work reasons. And more...

I stopped the praise everyone was sharing around when they had nothing to do with it. The person who deserved all the praise was quietly listening to everyone being thanked for doing nothing.

I made it clear who was working hard and who was staying well after their working hours to work on this. I felt better knowing he was recognised for all the hard work he put in.

The other person who was going on and on and on about the financial side of it... well he really needs help - help to see what it is like for someone to do a proper day's work.

Beware my honesty - it may hurt.

Wednesday, 28 July 2010


Never felt like this before...

The greatest guy I have ever known is in trouble.. he needs my support.. yet I can't be there for him.. Apart from the thousands of miles between us, I'm too exhausted from what has been happening that I lost focus.. I didn't even notice there was something wrong... That has to change..

And the rest... it can all sort itself out.. people who think they need me will have to find alternatives. He deserves my support and deserves that I give him the attention he deserves... He was the only one there for me.. always..

Sorry world, he comes first! Always will...


Another nightmare.. More blood... Silent screams... Then I wake up with really fast heartbeats... I don't know what's causing this or how to stop it... but it has to stop. Somehow...

Tuesday, 27 July 2010

And so...

... I need a holiday!! For real!

I love being this busy and buzzing with many different things to do.. but I still want to go on that holiday I promised I will go to.. so... i have to book it tomorrow...

Can't seem to finish writing.. must sleep...

bonne nuit

Monday, 26 July 2010

تفاصيل و وقائع القضايا الملفقة...

تفاصيل و وقائع القضايا الملفقة من القاضي عبد الفتاح مراد ضد الشبكة العربية ومركز هشام مبارك والمدونين المصريين

جمال عيد “الشبكة العربية” ، أحمد سيف “مركز هشام مبارك” ، عمرو غربية “مدون” ، علاء سيف “مدون” ، منال بهي “مدونة”

Friday, 23 July 2010

Home is...

... where the heart is.

Mine has been missing for a while now.. Really looking forward to next week.. will i have the Ramadan lantern I am looking forward to? Or will it be a different surprise?

Wednesday was a really odd day.. I was fine all day and suddenly I was in a completely different world.. couldn't focus and felt really odd.. just a couple of hours ago I found out why..

I think I have one of those hearts.. the kind that connects with those closest to it and starts to feel it when they are in trouble..

I got to go to sleep otherwise I won't be there on time tomorrow..

Hold on to that thought...

Monday, 19 July 2010

So where's the problem!!

In a meeting today I heard someone come up with as many excuses as they can in order not to work like everyone else.. Why? why is that person better than any of us? Some of the excuses were the worst ever, some were even made up...

Made me think... What the hell is wrong with these people??

There are thousands looking for work and would love to replace this person. When would people like this person realize how lucky they are to even have a job in the current economic crisis and stop acting like this?

One day...hopefully when they still have a job to go to..

In the meantime, I'm enjoying this! :D

Saturday, 17 July 2010

He is right...

... my best friend is actually right. He knows me too well.. he knows when I say something and mean it and when I need someone to wake me up. Today, he did just that.

I hate him for knowing me so much but kinda glad that he does..

Not long to go now.. just need to hold on a little longer..

Tuesday, 13 July 2010


I grew up with lots of "friends" around me.. and at an early age I discovered that friends aren't always real.. sometimes they are there for as long as things suit you both... sometimes they'll be there for you no matter what.

At that early age I lost a very dear friends.. He passed away.. It hurt.. I had an argument with him days before he passed away and I said something I will regret for the rest of my life. It never crossed my mind then that life can be so short.. I always thought that we'll die old..

When I heard the news I froze.. couldn't think or react.. "it can't be true".. "no way".. I even convinced myself it was just my imagination or maybe a nightmare and now that I woke up everything is back to normal. I even got ready for school, put my headphones on, switched on the music and made my way to school.. as soon as I saw my friends and they asked me I fell to pieces... It suddenly sunk in..

After that I got into a state of depression.. thinking "why him.. he's young.. he's like a brother to me.. I have no one else to talk to who really understand.. no one to tell me when I do something wrong.. no one to support me or encourage one..."

Days later those "friends" around me started to fade away.. they were no longer interested in the girl who is in this state of shock.. they missed having fun..

I promised myself then to never have "friends" or even friends.. It was going to hurt either way so why bother..

A few weeks ago I discovered why we have to bother.. because LIFE IS TOO SHORT. One day you won't wake up.. or you'll fall sick and won't recover.. or you'll be crossing the road and never make it to the other side... it can be anything.. having real friends around is what makes life worthwhile... nothing else will..

If you have a friend out there that you haven't talked to for ages - now is the time.. If a friend of yours is cross with you about something - go talk to them.. make it up for them.. restore that friendship.

I hope my friends will remember me as the smiling kid who always wanted to have a happy life and enjoy every bit of it with her friends...

Monday, 12 July 2010


Dear blog..

I have had a very tough week... but it's not all me.. some of my very close friends are going through very tough times too.. except this time I don't feel like i'm supporting them the way I usually can do....

It's not easy.. I mean being in this world is not easy... sometime I feel like looking for the EXIT door and just leave.. can't seem to find it though..

Life is really not this complicated - I know - but at times you just see it falling apart on all sides and as soon as you start to work on getting one part restored you find that the other parts are collapsing too..

How can I support my friends as I usually do when I myself need support... it has been almost 5 months.. what's taking so long!

It feels like I went back to school... the little crazy me who was always happy yet kept getting one blow after another... till i became this sad little girl who just wanted to hear music all the time.. sad music.. just didn't want to talk.. didn't want friends whom i can lose as it hurts.. especially if you don't get a chance to say goodbye..

Well... now what?

I can't support my friends.. I can't pick them up when they fall... I can't stop them from getting hurt.. i just need to.... don't know.. need to focus.. but i can't seem to be able to do that..

where is the end? the exit?

Friday, 9 July 2010

Khalid Said - silent protests..

I woke up this morning feeling sick... still don't feel right and really needed the day off from work but I couldn't. I was so determined to attend the Khalid Said protest later today and so couldn't really see how I can attend this and not go to work.

I struggled throughout the day and was even told to go home at 11am by a colleague at work.. He said I was looking so pale and tired.. I was still determined to make it till the end of the day for the protest.

It was 6:20 and it was time to go.. I wasn't sure what to expect..

The minute we arrived it was exciting. Egyptian flags could be seen from across the road.. I started taking photos.. getting more excited... recording videos.. talking to people.. hearing people's feedback.. it really was interesting.

The silent demo and protesters attracted a lot of attention.. lots of tourists were wondering what was going on.. they were not afraid to ask.. lots of children were present and parents were telling them the story of the young boy who was beaten to death by the police...

The atmosphere was just amazing.. yet very depressing..

Why can't we protest the same way in Egypt.. peacefully.. without uttering a word?

I compared the photo i took with those being distributed which showed how people were being treated in Egypt for the same reason - the silent protest.. why? I mean why is there this massive difference!

All I can think of now is what will make people continue protesting and not accepting this state... i hope we can see the end soon!

Sunday, 4 July 2010

What if...

A question I keep asking myself everyday... What if we were living in Egypt, what if my dad never left Egypt, what if I decided not to move from school when I did, what if I decide to go back, what if the decisions I make on a daily basis were different? What would have happened? What would have changed? Would anything have changed?

I ask whilst looking around me.. wondering what would happen to those around me if they didn't make the decisions they did.. would our lives have been different...

Maybe I'm thinking too much but I can't stop... As I read about the victims in Egypt - those allegedly killed by police officers or raped... what are we heading to? what's the reason? will it end??

I hoped I was there... not that I was going to stop anything but maybe I wouldn't feel so guilty... or would I have felt even worse?

Life isn't straight-forward.. Lots of changes and lots of disasters, one after the other... I just hope it ends.. for my sanity if nothing else..